he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
