My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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