Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
