I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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