I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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