Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
