shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
