An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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