i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
