I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
