I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can tuck mytits in my pants
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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