Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i think im in europe. pls send help
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
as a side note pls kill me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
