Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
