note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
