You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just tell him i said nine months
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
