What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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