she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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