if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
