I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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