How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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