remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize