Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
