I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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