I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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