it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
