idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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