I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize