sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
