i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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