checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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