he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
