one might say we're banned from that church
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
