I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
