sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
