you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
