im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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