shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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