Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
