We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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