Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
