Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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