Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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