remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When are your genitals available?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
