hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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