i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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