went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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