dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
