I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
