Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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