Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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