What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
