My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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