how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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