Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
