I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
