Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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