I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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