Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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