$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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