I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
