Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize