I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
