So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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