I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dick very happy bro
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
