kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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