I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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