I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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