I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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