I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
