I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
