I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
